The Single Abductee/Contactee
By Georgia Scott
Recently, I have discussed some issues unique to the single abductee in the chat room. Disclosure to most people means something in regards to the government and its knowledge of UFOS and extraterrestrials. To a single abductee, it has a whole different meaning with a much more personal touch.To tell or not to tell, that has been the question, along with when to tell. Keep in mind, the opinion expressed here is MINE, and not based on particularly scientific methods, or on true polling. It is based on opinions and information shared by others while discussing it, but somebody has to take responsibility for what is being said here, and I’m warning you…its all my fault.My stance on the disclosure issue is to tell soon, as soon as the first date. Maybe not in full, maybe not in detail, but enough to warn them that you are an experiencer of some sort. I have been told that this can lead guys (I am a woman, so obviously I am going to tell this from the female perspective.) to believe I am a nut or whacko of some sort. I guess that doesn’t worry me much, I have spent most of my life trying to prove that I’m merely nuts, and I really don’t talk to aliens. Having someone else think I am nuts is really irrelevant to me at that point.At a later point, assuming the relationship pans out for the usual reasons, being faced with skepticism, doubt, and being chastised for delusional thinking can be actually hurtful, which is the basis for my entire platform of early disclosure. Face it, abductions are traumatic enough, without a significant other telling you that you are wrong somehow. I don’t know about everyone, but I really don’t need additional stressors in my life.So, I asked some single male friends of mine what they thought when they found out that I was an abductee, to see what they thought. Not all of these friends are “pro” the idea of abductions either, so it wasn’t as though I was just asking the ones aware of my connections with ICAR and the chat room (at least initially they weren’t aware of these connections, full disclosure leads to the rest of the story too.)The one friend, who was acquainted with me via another interest other than ufology originally, said he thought I was whacked, but talking to me more showed that I was pretty normal in other ways, but he thought that telling that tidbit soon was going to cause more problems than it would solve, although he did understand the reasoning behind early disclosure. (I am not dating him, nor have I ever dated him. Perhaps in a dating relationship, he’d be re-convinced I am whacked…who knows?) Still, our friendship survived fairly early disclosure.Another friend, in the earliest stages of getting to know each other, was definitely for early disclosure, for largely the same reasons I am. He was surprised by the disclosure, which was delivered with my usual utter lack of tact during a discussion about when and if disclosure should occur. He was aware from the beginning of my involvement with abduction research, just not that I was also an abductee. I would call that a successful early disclosure.On the other hand, with another individual, we had a fairly serious relationship in progress. He was aware of my involvement with ICAR, but was not aware of me being an abductee. In the earliest discussions about UFOs and aliens, his statement was “I have an open mind.” I have since learned that that exact statement is often more of a red flag than a reassurance. When I did discuss personal experiences with him, his response was then “I have never seen anything to support what you have told me.”That was not what I would call a successful disclosure, and in terms of my emotional response to it, it was far from successful in terms of the relationship either. It actually made me think that he was tactfully saying that he believed I was lying, and was hurtful. Besides, if I had wanted to tell a fictional story, I’m sure I could have made up a far more entertaining one in which I was a heroine of some sort rather than a totally inept victim.More recently, I had one of those events referred to as a “first date.” At 40something, they are nothing like they were in one’s 20s anyhow. He was aware of my work with ICAR and the areas of particular personal interest. In terms of abductions, he seemed to react quite well. And then…The Moment came.I slid in a comment about me being an abductee.Everything shifted amazingly quickly too. Apparently, it was okay for abductions to occur theoretically, but not okay if it was someone sitting at the table with him. It didn’t take a psychic to ‘read’ his mind as he’s staring at my chest and trying to make up his mind if my physical attributes made up for my delusions about alien abductions and general mental instability. (Just for the record, my dog answered the question for him later…being an abductee with a large hairy dog was definitely more than he wanted to deal with.)Obviously, silence would be easier, and when I was younger, that was what I chose to do. Somehow though, its vaguely deceitful. In addition, an abductee needs to know that they have the support of their significant other, rather than being faced with skepticism and doubt. It is traumatic and stressful to be an abductee, the additional stress of hiding it within the most intimate parts of one’s life is an unnecessary stress. And, face it, dating for anybody is stressful…male or female, especially in the earliest stages. Why not just get the painful bits out right away? Perhaps it goes to the bandage removal methods too…some want the bandage slowly peeled away, others want it rapidly removed. Maybe I’m a rapid removal person, maybe I’m just self-destructing relationships for some strange psychological quirk by telling them I am an abductee. (I will admit, the most recent one got it out of sheer need to experiment with what we had discussed doing.)Like a lot of other things, the first time is the toughest, and after that, it does get easier to tell someone about your status as an abductee. I don’t go into details about the event initially, just that it has occurred and continues to occur. Each person has their own way of delivering ‘atomic bomb’ news such as this as well.I continued my research by asking Derrel Sims his opinion of personal disclosure and when. I thought he would be an excellent source for an experienced opinion, as he works with abductees around the world, as well as has his own personal experiences. Guess what his opinion was?Early disclosure! The sooner the better, for much the same reasons I advocate early disclosure.It’s simple, if the person in question thinks you are demented and deluded, its best to know before there is a lot of investment of emotion and energy into the relationship. The other alternative is to maintain the secret double life, which is stressful in a multitude of ways. The experiences alone cause stress, including many suffering from posttraumatic stress syndrome. Why add another unnecessary stress to your life?On the other hand, this disclosure adds to the sensation of isolation with each negative response to the fact that you are an abductee. If you live in a small community that fears anything out of the norm, the desire to maintain a secret double life may be more intense. Eventually, questions are going to be asked though. Odd marks, odd moods, strange fears, bruises, and the myriad of other ‘peculiarities’ of being an abductee are going to appear, and we all experience them at various times. For this person to never question these peculiarities would be peculiar as well. How long can YOU maintain this secrecy though? If you are single and dating, whether you are 20something, or 60something, this is an issue you need to think over carefully. To not disclose the information is somehow deceitful, and when its discovered, the reaction may be more negative than it would have been otherwise. To disclose the information requires choosing your timing, and I do suggest not making it your wedding night. Abductees are a bit different whether we want to admit it or not, especially if you are active in research and investigation. The continual uncertainty of our level of free will, our experiences, the continuing abduction events, and the resulting stress is alone enough to ensure that. That is not even including related phenomena such as psychic abilities.Good luck on your search for a life companion or even an agreeable date. Let us know how your own experiences go, because this is an issue that faces us all. Knowledge is power, after all, and one of the worst facets of being an abductee is the lack of power.
